Healing Starts Where Hurt Began

Loss can feel like a black hole, swallowing everything in its path. But what if that void is actually a portal to something greater?

You read that title right. I know... the first time I read it, it got under my skin too.

The other day I heard a friend talk about her boyfriend who passed away due to Adderall laced with fentanyl. She found him the next morning in the bathroom, gone. She said she couldn’t even go near that bathroom, let alone step foot in that house.

But then she shared a new perspective I had never thought of before. What if, rather than looking at that bathroom as hell on earth for her, she recognized it as the place her boyfriend met Jesus face to face? She knew where he was. Now she sees that spot in her home as a comfort, rather than a space that she ran from. It was the place she encountered the most pain, where her healing began.

I began to think of this and apply it to my situation. My mother passed all too soon and suddenly as well. Though I was not there in person when my mother had a 4.5-stage brain aneurysm rupture, I know the spot where it occurred in my home. I remember the descriptions of what she went through as she experienced the worst headache of her life. I can only imagine the horrors my siblings still live with to this day as they tried to help her, only for her to drift away saying “Jesus” over and over again until she slipped away from us.

Every time I visit New Jersey, I see that spot in my home. I don’t stay too long. I can barely look at it. Even now, thinking about it makes me want to curl into a ball and cry. But then I think of my friend’s wise words she spoke about her hurting space in her home. That spot was where her boyfriend met true satisfaction. That spot in my home is where my mom met the One she loved most. It is where she met the One she lived her life for and told us all about.

Next time I visit New Jersey, I am going to sit in that spot for a while and ponder. I don’t know how I will feel right now. Will I feel relief? Will I feel comfort? Will I stay long? I think healing can hurt. Healing is uncomfortable. It is so hard to face the things in our hearts that need attention. It takes time. Losing someone can feel like losing an arm. It is so shocking at first, and then the pain sets in. Then you have to figure out how to live life without your arm. Everything you thought your life would be is suddenly gone. Looking back on the days when I had the arm are sweet, but it doesn’t change what is the reality.

Here is the thing... my arm was and is not my life. Now that the arm is gone, I still need to somehow live. That is where the choice comes in. I once heard it said that our thoughts are like a train. Say you are at a train station and there are so many journeys you can go on. Let’s say one train takes you to “Worry Island” and another train takes you to “Trusting God City.” You may have had the intention to go to Trusting God City, but you stepped on the wrong train to Worry Island and before you know it, you are eight hours away from where you intended to be. We have so much more power over our minds than we realize.

Our minds are muscle. It is something we must practice day after day, hour after hour. If my life was my arm, AKA my mom, I think I would still be in the same spot I was three years ago when she died. I would be disheartened, confused, hurt, angry. But it is a choice to see our circumstances as something to push us forward or hold us back. It is up to us to stay at “Worry Island” or buy a ticket to the fastest train to “Trusting God City.”

A verse that has helped me a lot in this is the well-known verse, Philippians 4:6-7: “Do not be anxious about anything, but in everything by prayer and supplication with thanksgiving let your requests be made known to God. And the peace of God, which surpasses all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus.”  

First of all, I want you to notice that God does not direct us to disregard our thoughts or stuff them away. He says, "Come to me, all who labor and are heavy laden, and I will give you rest. Take my yoke upon you, and learn from me; for I am gentle and lowly in heart, and you will find rest for your souls. For my yoke is easy, and my burden is light" (Matt. 11:28-30).   

God knows you and I are human. We will struggle with doubt, anxiety, hurt, and pain. He is saying, "Come to me." Let me take that off your shoulders. You don't have to do it alone, and it's not your responsibility to figure it all out. He is all-knowing and holds the future in His hands. We do not have that responsibility—and honestly, what a relief! The Lord did not send us to earth to solve the world's problems, but to have a relationship with Him and spread the good news of faith. He sees how it all works together. Take your requests and anxieties to God and lay those burdens at His feet.

Many times in the past, I have thought that I need to dance around my requests to God. “God, can you please help ABC... if it’s your will?” But God wants us to be bold in our prayers. Maybe you lost someone like me and now you choose to believe God is not good because He didn’t do what you asked Him to do. But have you ever thought that maybe God did something different than you wanted for your good in the future or maybe someone else’s?

If I hadn’t gone through what I have gone through, I would never be able to write these words or share the value I had found in Christ I so desperately hope you find. Remember that part of the verse about peace? I can attest that it is real. The Lord knows the words on our tongues before we even speak it, but because He is a loving Father, He desires us to still tell Him. I remember praying boldly for my mom to heal on this side of heaven, but God had other plans that I will never understand. But just as God promised, as I brought my requests to Him, He gave me peace that surpassed understanding and guarded my heart and my mind.

Mark 5:34 says, “He said to her, ‘Daughter, your faith has healed you. Go in peace and be freed from your suffering.’” Your faith, my friend, is the most precious thing you have. It is more valuable than gold. Faith is not the arm, but the heart. You need the heart to live. Do you have faith in your heart? What is guiding you? Is your heart still filled with pain, anger, and darkness? Let the light in. Let God in. Let faith heal you. Go after it like never before.

The way you respond to your circumstance matters. It matters not just for you but for the generations after. The way you choose to survive the circumstance you’re in and choosing faith will be a survival guide for someone else. I am so sorry that you have to endure this trial, but you are also chosen for this trial. God knows you. He knows your heart. He knows you are resilient. He knows you will finish the race. He has been there all along. Now you just have to choose if you are ready to get up and heal. Don’t stay where the hurt is, but let it push you forward because it MATTERS. You were chosen to live in this very point in history to endure that trial at that point and time and now to read this right here right now, and God is going to use your testimony for His goodness if you ALLOW HIM TO.

I had a friend tell me today, “Sometimes God chooses to heal in order to display His power, but sometimes He chooses not to in order to show His value.” Maybe you were praying like me for God’s power to be shown. For God to wake my mom up and to show His authority. But you know what was so valuable? Spreading the faith my mom instilled in me to pray over her body. It was beautiful to grow my relationship with Christ and see the value in a relationship with Him my mom had been telling me about all my life that I finally got to experience through going through losing her. God can do what He wants, but sometimes He doesn’t give us what we think we need because He wants to show us the value that He is ALL we need.

So my challenge to you is this: Take your thoughts captive. Don’t give the enemy a foothold on your heart and allow faith in that you may be healed. Stop running from the pain and face it. YOU CAN DO THIS.

Ephesians 4:26-7 & 29-32 “In your anger do not sin”: Do not let the sun go down while you are still angry, and do not give the devil a foothold. Do not let any unwholesome talk come out of your mouths, but only what is helpful for building others up according to their needs, that it may benefit those who listen. And do not grieve the Holy Spirit of God, with whom you were sealed for the day of redemption. Get rid of all bitterness, rage, and anger, brawling, and slander, along with every form of malice. Be kind and compassionate to one another, forgiving each other, just as in Christ God forgave you.”   

Are you giving the enemy a foothold? That can stop right now, in Jesus’ name. Are you speaking ill about those who have hurt you? You have the power to make that stop, in Jesus’ name. Get up, friend. Change your life. The only one holding you back is YOU. Bitterness is like drinking poison and hoping the other person dies. Stop drinking the poison. Get yourself some Holy Water and keep it moving. Lay those burdens down! You don’t have to do this alone. His goodness and mercy have been with you. He is ready to welcome you with His love. Get up, friend, it is time to heal where the hurting began.

Isaiah 26:3 "You keep him in perfect peace whose mind is stayed on you, because he trusts in You."

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Prayer

Psalm 23

"The Lord is my shepherd;I shall not want. He makes me to lie down in green pastures;He leads me beside the still waters.He restores my soul;He leads me in the paths of righteousnessFor His name’s sake.

Though I walk through the valley of the shadow of death,I will fear no evil; For You are with me;Your rod and Your staff, they comfort me.

You prepare a table before me in the presence of my enemies; You anoint my head with oil; My cup runs over. Surely goodness and mercy shall follow meAll the days of my life;And I will dwell in the house of the Lord Forever." AMEN.