'Tis the Season for Comparison

There I was, walking through doors I had walked through countless times before. 'Table for one,' I said, and the hostess led me to a small table tucked in the back of the diner. My friend would be joining me in 30 minutes, but for now, I just wanted some time to journal and sip coffee. I appreciated the privacy—I’d rather not run into anyone I knew. Sitting there alone, with only my journal and coffee, my mind wandered to how much life has changed since four Christmases ago—and how my idea of a fulfilled life has evolved.

Sitting in that busy diner, I felt like a wallflower, watching couples chatting nearby. A mix of nostalgia and curiosity washed over me as I wondered if I’d ever be one of them, enjoying coffee with a partner. My thoughts shifted to my mom and the stress she must have felt during the holidays. I remembered her tirelessly scrubbing the kitchen tiles, preparing Christmas breakfast, making sure everyone’s wishes were fulfilled, moving the little star for the 25 days leading up to Christmas, and decorating our home. She did it all with an energy I now realize was extraordinary.

Now, as I reflect on how much life has shifted, the holidays feel different. My brother and sister are focused on their own families, leaving just my dad and me to keep things together while I’m home. I try to decorate to bring some sense of normalcy, but it’s not quite the same. Without my mom, I finally understand: she was the heart of it all, the magic behind every tradition.

And now, as my dad opens his heart to a new relationship and my siblings build their families, I’m left here—alone, with an empty chair across from me, wondering what my next chapter will look like. This isn’t the life I envisioned for myself. I never expected to be grieving my mother’s loss at 28, feeling uncertain about life, and still single as I approach 30. While there’s much I appreciate about being independent, I can’t help but long for my own happy ending. Maybe one day, I’ll rediscover that Christmas magic, even though everything feels different now.

Sometimes, it feels like my twenties were lost to me. The weight of trauma has shaped my life in ways I never anticipated. Life has been full of distractions—too many—and the dream of a life of my own has felt far away.

Moving away has brought its own challenges—taking on responsibilities as the oldest child and navigating the changes since my mom’s passing. No one talks about the way you shift into a new life when you leave home, or how, after losing a parent, you don’t just lose them—you lose the person you were and the life you had. It’s a lot to manage.

I wonder if I’ll ever be able to step away from these responsibilities enough to create space for something new—maybe a small, cozy world where I can feel at peace. A simple home, a loving husband, and perhaps even a family of my own.

But for now, it’s just me and this cup of coffee.

Challenging The Timeline

If you’re feeling lonely this holiday season or struggling because your life doesn’t look the way you imagined, this is for you—and honestly, for me too. If you’re tired of opening Instagram to another engagement or baby announcement and wondering when it’ll be your turn, I want you to know you’re not alone. It’s okay to feel disappointed, but remember: there’s hope. It is possible to be happy for others, while also desiring what they have. But also, there is no universal timeline, and it’s perfectly okay if your story looks different from someone else’s. Your journey is yours, and that’s something to embrace.

I’ve been reading a book by Christian speaker Kait Tomlin, and I came across a post on her Facebook page where she shared her journey before getting married in her 30s. As I read about her life leading up to her 28th birthday—the year she started her ministry—it became clear that everything she endured was leading her to that moment. Her ministry, “Heart of Dating,” was born out of the hardships and heartbreaks she experienced during her singleness. She went on to marry in her 30s, and now, alongside her husband, she continues to help other Christian singles navigate their journeys.

Her story is a powerful reminder that our struggles often shape our calling and prepare us for the future God has planned. Imagine if she had gotten what she thought she wanted years earlier—would her ministry even exist? Most likely not. And now, her journey has come full circle—she’s married and even has a baby. It’s clear that God was using her season of singleness to build something far greater than she could have imagined.

Another true story I love is about Chrissy Metz from This Is Us. Chrissy, who played Kate, always had an interest in acting but didn’t truly pursue it until her 20s. It wasn’t until her 30s that she landed her breakout role as Kate in This Is Us. Before her big break, she worked in customer service and as an acting agent, while also struggling with insecurities. Today, she’s a well known actress and powerful advocate for body positivity and mental health. Her story is proof that success can come at any age, and that perseverance pays off.

If you're anything like me, coming from a college environment where the term "ring by spring" was common—where people were getting engaged and married at nineteen to early twenties, some even with children by now—and you find yourself watching on social media wondering what’s wrong with you, I want to assure you: there is nothing wrong with you. You don’t need to change who you are in order for the right person to find you. If anything, as seen in the examples above, it’s when we embrace who we are and how our stories have unfolded that we experience true growth, healing, freedom, and preparation to allow the right people in. It is in these moments that doors open and we allow ourselves, and God, to mold us into who He has always intended for us to be. Each of us has God-given potential, but we will never fully discover it by constantly comparing our journeys to others or waiting around for Mr. Right.

I am writing this to myself just as much as I am writing it to you. Let’s take a moment to step back and truly embrace where we are right now. I can look back on all the mundane moments, disappointments, heartbreaks, and unmet expectations—and in some odd way, I’ve found gratitude for the lessons they’ve brought. They've made me stronger, braver, and more prepared for the next challenge ahead, or even for the special people I may meet one day, whether romantic or not.

When I shift my mindset from dreaming about where I could be to celebrating how I’ve made it through all the struggles of the past, I find freedom to embrace the present. I even think of little, 9-year-old Holly, who played “house” with her brother and sister, cared for her baby dolls, and dreamed of her happily-ever-after as she wrote little hearts in her journal with her crush’s name inside. All I want to do is hug her and tell her that she is enough as she is, and she doesn’t need to prove her worth because she has innate, God-given value. I’d tell her to keep believing that the best is yet to come and how strong her little heart truly is. I’d tell her that life is not a competition or a race. I would tell her to challenge the timeline. I’d tell her that her testimony is a testament of faith in Christ and to never stop sharing it.

Take a moment to imagine your younger self—what would you tell them? How would you encourage and remind them of their worth and how they will overcome? Pause and write it down. It’s a powerful exercise in self-compassion and perspective.

Redefining Success

If we look around us, it’s pretty clear that finding a “happily ever after” often means finding the love of your life. It seems to be the “I’ve made it” moment many strive for. And don't even get me started on those Hallmark Christmas movies... I absolutely LOVE them, but every time I watch one, it stirs something in my heart that longs for the fairytale I see on screen. Wouldn’t it be nice to visit your childhood town, bump into your childhood crush who just so happens to be single and good-looking, and fall in love—all while ending up with a cozy Christmas tree farm in the process? Yeah. It sounds like the dream life.

Here’s the thing—we both know the chances of that happening are pretty much zero. Honestly, I’m probably more likely to walk into a coffee shop and spill my coffee all over myself on the way out (not that I’d know from experience, of course). And maybe that’s not even the ultimate goal to aim for in life.

Did you know that the Bible teaches us that while marriage is a gift from God, it isn’t the ultimate measure of success in this life? Paul writes in 1 Corinthians 7:8-9, "I say to the unmarried and to the widows that it is good for them if they remain even as I am [single]; but if they cannot exercise self-control, let them marry; for it is better to marry than to burn with passion." This isn’t Paul dismissing marriage—far from it. He’s simply acknowledging that while marriage is good, singleness offers unique advantages, especially in the time and energy we can devote to God and personal growth.

Paul continues in verses 32-33: "I want you to be free from anxieties. The unmarried man is anxious about the things of the Lord, how to please the Lord. But the married man is anxious about worldly things, how to please his wife, and his interests are divided." His words remind us that the ultimate priority of the Christian life is Jesus—putting Him first above all else.

Marriage is a beautiful, God-given blessing, but singleness has its own unique benefits. It’s a season (or a calling) that is equally beautiful and just as God-honoring.

As I walk through singleness, I’ve come to believe that living a successful life isn’t about looking for the next date or comparing myself to those who have a special someone during the holiday season. While it would be nice, the ultimate way to spend this season of singleness is in devotion to God—living up to the potential He has for me, not so that Prince Charming can find me, but so that others may find God, the one who gives us true purpose, love, and peace.

So, with all this in mind, how do we define success? There’s no one-size-fits-all answer, but here are a couple of ways I believe we can measure it.

1. Living Authentically and Intentionally

   • Take a break from social media this month to quiet the noise and focus on yourself and your relationship with the Lord. Use this time to journal daily, reflecting on your values and how your actions align with them. Write down what you appreciate about God and your unique life—without seeking external validation. Embrace your story. While you can’t control everything that’s happened to you, you do have the power to decide how you respond and how you move forward.

     
     

     As part of this journey, step out of your comfort zone. Try something you’ve always been curious about. Maybe it’s a pottery class, like I’ve been dreaming of, or even figure skating! Recently, I took the leap and hired a personal trainer to help me grow physically and mentally. Whatever it is, take action to nurture your growth and invest in yourself—not in fleeting validation or endless dating apps.

     
     

     Lastly, practice daily gratitude by listing three things you’re thankful for. It’s a simple habit that shifts your perspective and keeps your focus on the blessings in your life.

     
     

2. Living With Purpose

   • For me, Jesus is my purpose. Living with intention means making space for what truly matters—sharing His Word and the incredible things He’s done in my life. The fact that I’m still here, still praising Him after my mom’s passing and despite many disappointments, is a testament to His grace. I could have easily let bitterness or resentment take over, but instead, I’ve found hope and healing in Him—and that’s worth celebrating. Sharing my story of heartbreak and perseverance reminds me of the purpose I’ve been given: to tell others about the hope found in Jesus. That’s what it’s all about.

     
     

     You can live with purpose too, especially during the holiday season. One idea close to my heart is volunteering at an elderly care center. This generation is often overlooked, yet spending time with them not only brings joy to their lives but enriches yours as well. Hearing their stories, learning from their wisdom, and simply being present with them is a powerful way to make a meaningful impact and sharing His love. It’s a beautiful reminder of what the season of giving is truly about.

     
     

3. Embracing Resilience & God's Help

   • Resilience isn’t about fighting your battles alone—it’s a choice. It’s choosing to invite God into your story and refusing to accept misery or comparison as your destiny. It’s choosing to be a conqueror through Jesus. With Him, we are victorious in every circumstance. Why? Because even though we face challenges, heartache, and even death here on earth, we have a hope in Heaven that far outweighs anything we endure. This unshakable hope, rooted in Christ, gives us the strength to press on and find joy, even in the hardest times.

     
     

     Let this be an encouragement to you: you don’t have to fix everything or carry the weight of the world on your shoulders. Sometimes the most faithful thing we can do is to be still, invite God into our struggles, and trust Him to fight for us. It’s in these moments of surrender that we experience His supernatural peace and resilience—not through our own strength, but through His.

     
     

4. Living Contently

   • We live in a world that thrives on hustle and hurry, constantly urging us to chase more. But one thing those Hallmark movies get right is this: it’s okay not to keep up with the Joneses. They remind us that true joy often comes from life’s simplest pleasures—spending time with loved ones, cherishing small moments, and focusing on what truly matters. You don’t need all the money, fancy cars, or a perfectly curated image to find fulfillment.

     
     

     True success isn’t measured by the size of your audience or the number of followers you have. It’s found in using your gifts and abilities to bless others—whether that’s your neighbors, your community, or the people closest to you. Living contentedly means embracing where you are, finding joy in what you have, and creating a life rooted in meaning rather than comparison. Simple, intentional living will always outshine the endless chase for what doesn’t last.

     
     

     Paul captures this beautifully in Philippians 4:11-13:“I am not saying this because I am in need, for I have learned to be content whatever the circumstances. I know what it is to be in need, and I know what it is to have plenty. I have learned the secret of being content in any and every situation, whether well fed or hungry, whether living in plenty or in want. I can do all this through him who gives me strength.”

     
     

     Paul wrote these words from prison, showing us that his contentment wasn’t tied to his circumstances. It didn’t depend on wealth, comfort, or even basic needs like food. Instead, his contentment came from relying on Christ. True contentment doesn’t come from self-sufficiency but from trusting in Jesus. Through Him, we can face any situation with strength, knowing that He sustains us and fuels our faith.

     
     

5. Impacting Others

   • When I reflect on my mother’s life, her success wasn’t measured by being married or even by being a mother—it was defined by the impact she had on others. She allowed God to use her as a light to everyone around her, showing kindness, faith, and love in everything she did. Her life is a powerful reminder to focus on the people already in our lives and to be intentional in how we show up for them.

     
     

     Sometimes, it’s the simplest acts that leave the biggest mark. Taking a friend out for coffee, lending a listening ear, or sharing the love of Jesus in an authentic way can have far more impact than stressing over things outside of our control. The stories we share, the faith we live out, and the intentional ways we love others—that’s what truly makes a life well-lived.

     
     

     Who are the people in your life who have shaped and inspired you? How can you honor their legacy by impacting others in your own unique way? Let your life be a testament to the love, faith, and light you’ve received from them and the Lord.

     
     

Embracing God's Masterpiece & The Present

As I walked out of the diner, my heart felt a little lighter. Talking with my friend about Jesus and answering her questions about who God is gave me purpose and reminded me of why I’m here. I’m here to be present and help others feel seen and loved by Jesus. I’m here to be a light, not to compete with others and their lives. And right now, I can still be purposeful where I am while holding space for the desires of my heart and trusting God with those desires.

I may not have all the answers, but I’m learning that success isn’t found in checking off milestones or fitting into someone else’s timeline. It’s found in being present, faithful, and open to the beautiful, messy story God is writing for me.

One of my favorite poems by Corrie Ten Boom sums up this blog post perfectly, so I’ll let Corrie wrap it up for me:

"My life is but a weaving

Between my God and me.

I cannot choose the colors

He weaveth steadily.

Oft’ times He weaveth sorrow;

And I in foolish pride

Forget He sees the upper

And I the underside.

Not ’til the loom is silent

And the shuttles cease to fly

Will God unroll the canvas

And reveal the reason why.

The dark threads are as needful

In the weaver’s skillful hand

As the threads of gold and silver

In the pattern He has planned.

He knows, He loves, He cares;

Nothing this truth can dim.

He gives the very best to those

Who leave the choice to Him."

—Corrie Ten Boom

I hope you know how important your presence is this holiday season. I challenge you to embrace where you are, trust God’s timing, and focus on what truly matters: sharing His love and allowing yourself to embrace His love right where you are. Let’s redefine success together and allow God to weave our beautiful tapestries.

Reflections

"For I know the plans I have for you,” declares the Lord, “plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you a hope and a future." - Jeremiah 29:11

Prayer

Dear Heavenly Father,

Thank You for Your unending love and faithfulness. I come before You today, reflecting on the seasons of waiting and growth. When life feels uncertain or overwhelming, help me to trust in Your perfect timing and the plans You have for my life. Remind me that even when I feel behind or unsure, You are always guiding me toward something greater. Strengthen my faith and patience, and help me to embrace the process, knowing that You are with me every step of the way.

In Jesus' name, Amen.